| Sunday, March 29th, 2009 |
| 2:05 am |
fuck this
why cant i have my real wife back and not the girl that puts me behind everybody else... im about to do something really stupid Current Mood:  depressed |
| Tuesday, March 24th, 2009 |
| 7:23 pm |
money
i hate money and the problems it causes... im ready to die Current Mood: depressed |
| 1:12 pm |
this weather is perfect
god this weather is the shit... im loving it so much... so far so good today... me and jennifer cleaned our car today... waiting on her to get home with some food then off to get little katie at school then god knows what else we are doin today... probably do someting outside.. i might get to work tonight... hopefully... we need the money really bad... times are hard... but im not bitchin about it cause i got all i need to survive... my wife and step kids... i love them so much.... im actually tired as fuck for some reason.... we went to bed at like 1am and woke up at 8 or so.... the kids need to be in school by 7:45 so yeah it was a hectic morning... now im watching judge alex... i like the way he acts like a bad ass... id kill him haha.... but yeah im out... peace Current Mood: bored |
| 12:52 am |
so far so good
jennifer and i actually sat on the same couch tonight and watched 24... she let me rub her feet then when 24 went off she layed her head on my lap and i got to rub her back and legs for like 2 hours while she took a nap... this night is going so good so far... now lets see how bed time goes Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: TV |
| Monday, March 23rd, 2009 |
| 8:29 pm |
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| Sunday, March 22nd, 2009 |
| 7:36 am |
amazing
its amazing what your body can do after you work a 12 hour shift and stay up all day long withdrawing from cigerettes just to go to work another 12 hour shift... how the hell did i make it through tonight? oh well... time for bed Current Mood:  tired |
| Saturday, March 21st, 2009 |
| 9:31 am |
same shit different day
well me and my wife are still having problems... whats new... im getting so discouraged right now... shes asleep and im watching the kids watch disney and eat there cereal... i work 3rd shifts at a company called deroyal... making hospital products... it sucks not sleeping next to my wife everynight... we finally moved out of lonsdale... got an apartment out off broadway in knoxville... not the greatest place in the world... but its home now and i love it... got us a dog... a little yorkie... never thought id like one but this thing is meaner than fuck and im starting to realy like it.... got us new car... ... sometimes things look up and sometimes it just falls apart for us... i guess its my bad attitude which im trying to work on... we got in a huge fight the night before valentines day and it tore us apart so bad... thats why im not drinking anymore... cause that was a major reason why i went off that night... but yeah all for now... im gonna finish waiting on jennifer to wake up so i can finally go to sleep... 7pm-7am shift really blows balls... but o well ya gotta do what ya gotta do... not sure if anybody even reads this... maybe im the only one for the group that even logs on and does this... oh well... to whoever is reading this... take care of yourself Current Mood: tired |
| Friday, December 26th, 2008 |
| 1:48 pm |
about what i said earlier
when i said fuck christmas earlier... i was stressed.... well fuck Christmas X10 nowCh Current Mood: sad |
| 12:37 pm |
just got in
just got in from playing with my step kids... katie got a new bicycle and little aiden got a tri cycle... i had a blast Current Mood:  thirsty |
| 11:24 am |
stressed
FUCK THE AFTER CHRISTMAS SHIT... FIXING BICYCLE TRAINING WHEELS... ASSEMBLING TOYS... FINDING BATTERIES... AND FIGHTING. what da fuck is new Current Mood:  cranky |
| 3:43 am |
I know its late and all but Merry Christmas. This is my first christmas as a family. I LOVED IT. its almost 4am and my neighbors are fighting and screaming at each other. God i hate living in lonsdale. My Wife is sleeping beside me. I love to just sit up all night and listen to her breathe. Today is the last day i get to see her until she comes home from her dads house. Im staying with her ex husband (katies dad). We both gotta clear our heads. Im hoping she gives me one more chance. I will die if she leaves me Current Mood: tired |
| Thursday, December 25th, 2008 |
| 11:58 pm |
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday Katie. Im soo thankful to have a step daughter like you in my life. I love you sweetheart. damn your 6 years old now pretty soon you will be all grown up :) have a good birthday darling Current Mood:  excited |
| Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008 |
| 2:28 am |
long time
well its been quiet a long while since i have even been on this site. About since august of 2007 i believe. It took me all damn day just to even remember my log in shit. I highly doubt any of the people i used to keep in touch with even use this shit anymore. But o well. A lot has happened to me since mid last year. lots of changes. Some good some bad. I have had two friends pass away. Due to suicide. The most selfish way to go, in my opinion. They both had a lot of demons in there life. And they decided to give in and let the demons take control and there life. It took a hard toll on me. Could i have stopped them from doing the unthinkable? Probably not. Did I try to help? No. And that is something that haunts me to this day. I will never forget both the mornings that i found out the bad news. I had already moved back home to Maryville after living in Knoxville for a while. I always hated so bad living in Maryville. Hated my parents. Did not have many friends at all. A good friend of mine asked me if i wanted to move in with them in Knoxville (15 minutes north of Maryville). So i decided to take the offer. Hell it couldnt be that hard being on your own. Boy was i wrong. No more could i waste money away on drinking and smoking weed. But I did it anyway. Totally fucked my head up and my body. I got really scared. I thought i was turning into an alcoholic. Never was really concerned about the weed smoking. It only just took money out of my wallet. I would come home from working on the 3rd shift. Come into the apartment, which usually was filled with sleeping drunk idiots that i didnt really like anyway. Usually would have to kick a couple that just got through sexin each other out of my room. Id spark up a bowl and drink till i couldnt see straight. I would pass out and get up and go to work only to come home , see and do the same thing. To be honest, it got really old. But I got so used to it. If i tried to take a break from it I would get really depressed. And if any of you know me, depression was really bad for me and still is to this day. Work stressed me out, barely making enough money to pay my truck bill, my 4 wheeler bill, my insurance, my cell phone bill, and to pay my friend part of the rent. But anyway after a while of this my roomate moved out on me. Went back home, left me there by myself. Depression got worse cause i was always alone after this Finally moved back home. kept drinking, stopped the pot smoking. I was miserable in Maryville. Ever Since my elementary school days. Full of rich fucks and richy bitches. Nobody gonna give somebody like me a chance for a friendship. I was not rich. I bought my clothes at Goodwill and most of my shirts at metal shows i went to. So i was not the type of person people wanted to be friends with Hell the people that were like me hated me. Not sure why but o well. So yeah, living in maryville sucked fucking ass. Found out one of my friends hung himself while going through a terrible break up with his g/f. Kinda sad really never understood why somebody would kill themselves over something like that (remember this at the end). i was heartbroken. 1 of probably 3 or 4 that i called good friends. Dead. Couple of months down the road. Another death in my life. It made living Maryville so horrible. I went into hiding. I did not know what to do. Finally starting getting out into bars and stuff. Drinking got heavier. not sure i ever really turned into an alcoholic. People looked down at me like i was though. Anyway to make this story a little bit shorter. I met some people who got concerned about me. Helped me get away from the drinking. Did not stop drinking completely. But i slowed it down major. Got into watching local indy wrestling around the area. Met some amazing people. I started doing Security at the shows. (this is the good changes now). Was working a show in i believe lake city, TN I pulled into the parking lot saw this really amazing girl. Pink and black hair. Tattoos, piercings. She blew my mind. She was the most beautiful girl i ever seen. Me being the shy fucker i am, all i could do is look at her and want to talk to her. But i never could bring myself to it. Turns out that about a month later she seen me on this stupid backyard wrestling bullshit crap i used to do myspace page. She added me, i added her back At the time i didnt realize this was the same girl. But it was. Maybe it was a sign from god. who knows. All i know is, the most beautiful girl i ever layed my eyes on was now talking to me. We exchanged numbers. talked for about a month or so. Finally met up for the first time ever at a yet another wrestling show We only talked for about 3 minutes. I was shy, she was shy. we both didnt really know what to say. We made plans to hang out again. We went to boomsday 08. I was a nervous wreck. I knew i had a crush on her since we started talking over myspace. Did not really think anything would come from it. Cause at the time it never did and if it did, it would only last a couple of weeks to a couple of months. Little did i know that on this night i found my future wife. we walked about a mile id say to watch the fireworks. It was her, her two kids Aiden (2) and Katie (5) and myself. We spread our blanket around. we all sat down to wait for the sun to go down to watch the firework display. During this time, she was talking my head. Anybody that knows me, knows i hate that shit. But I loved it from her. I fell in love instantly. We got kinda close to each other a couple of times. Me bein shy, it freaked me the fuck out. after the fire works. We walked the long ass way back to her car and she drove me to drop me off at my truck. We were about to say our goodbyes for the evening. I got out of the car and she got out as well. We hugged and i opened my truck door. Gave her another hug and sat down in my truck. She scooted into my truck with me, which totally freaked me out. I knew i liked this girl but i didnt know she liked me. We were really close and we were talking and I somehow got the balls to kiss her. It was the most amazing kiss ever. We continued to kiss for about 5-10 minutes id say. Hell i was shocked she even kissed me back, i was not even keeping track of time. All i know is, after the firework display we just watched. We had out own display. We finally said our final go goodbyes or so we thought. On the way home i texted her and was like "i really didnt wanna leave and i really dont wanna go home" so she told me to come back and that i could come by her place. I ended up spending the night, fell totally in love with her. and to make this story short. We got married on october 10 2008. Matthew and Jennifer Lang. love at first sight? oh yeah. She showed me the true meaning of happiness. I love her with all my heart. She is right now sleeping right beside me, she is probably faking and watching me write this extremly long blog. Currently we have been having problems. I lied to her and we seperated for about 3 weeks. She finally agreed to let me come back for us to work everything out. everything was perfect for the first 5 days. I fucked up and did something stupid and told another lie. I hate being me sometimes. She is the love of my life, i should be able to tell her anything. I honestly think there is something wrong with my brain. We are taking our seperate ways again for this coming weekend... shes going to stay with her dad and im going to be staying with, oddly enough, her ex husband. Im not really a religous person. But i swear i have said about 30 prayers just for one more chance at fixing us. Im tired of lieing to her, im tired of hurting her. I explained to her tonight as i was massaging her back that even though i make mistakes like this, it does not mean i dont lover her. And I am willing to do whatever it takes, to make things right and get her to trust me again. I love her so much and im so proud to have the family i have now. I hope we stay together for the rest of our lives. Im really tired, I am going to fucking bed Current Mood: scared |
| Sunday, April 22nd, 2007 |
| 7:54 pm |
shotgun shitfaced
here i am again
same old depressed shit
a shotgun on the table
a beer in my hand
i told you so
this was the last time
you stumbled through that door
with your thousand yard stare
and your blood shot eyes
black dress stained white
your lipstick smeared
i told you this
so you better prepare yourself
im sending you to hell
the hell you put me through |
| Tuesday, April 10th, 2007 |
| 11:55 pm |
so yes its been a while and im really bored... i went to bed early and now im awake and i gotta be at work at 4:30am... the best time ever in the world is upon us... sundown in the city time of the year... im hoping all the old peeps could get together just one last time and throw down... that would be great... but yeah whats new in my life? i got a really great g/f... she completes me... been together almost 3 months now...  and oh yes i have xbox360 now... so if i anybody wnats to play online... just hit me up... hmmm dead rising kicks my ass... the new GTA trailer came out... and might i say... it looks bout damn sexy as hell... you can check it out right here http://www.gamesradar.com/us/xbox360/gam e/previews/article.jsp?sectionId=1001&ar ticleId=20070329151325712083&releaseId=2 006051014323586065 honestly does anybody ever even read this or am i just wasting my time? matt Current Mood: tired |
| Sunday, December 3rd, 2006 |
| 3:44 pm |
dude this is just like 20 or 30 minutes from my last post but dambn... im really fucked up... and im bored... and listening to justin timberlake (eww) oh well... yes im single and it sucks ass... oh well... maryville won the state championship saturday (7 of them in 9 years) i miss the ole days of going to the football games... hangint with all my friends on the front row... rasing hell... taking shot every point we scored... we would all be fucked up before the end of the first quarter haha...loved the pranks with the watermelon and rebel flags to alcoa high... i miss everybody... only person i really ever see anymore is tony... oh well.. hit me up all hate hate hate matthew lang |
| 3:25 pm |
yeah long time no blog.... whats new? hmm lemme see... been working a lot... been partying almost every weekend... i miss you all dearly... you guys need to call me 865-742-5820 and leave some love and some numbers so i can get ahold of you all... well im 23 now and it sucks dick... after i moved home from living with harmon... my life just kinda stopped... it fucking sucks... living up with my true friends made the weeks go by fast and the weekends freeze in time... and i miss it dearly... i am cool... and not saying you all aint (haha i sayed aint)... im probably a lot cooler... haha im still the worlds biggest hater... im fucked up right now... it feels like my life... is widdling away... yay... i love and miss you all... please get in touch with me somehow AIM= themidnightchamp www.myspace.com/killxsluts hate hate hate matthew lang Current Mood:  high |
| Wednesday, June 21st, 2006 |
| 3:40 pm |
god im bored nad tired... and hungry... fuck i gotta leave for work in 20 minutes... dammit... oh well... this weekend should be a good one... hopefully i get to hang out with a good friend on friday night... and saturday im going up to windrock to ride 4 wheelers all day... something will happen though im sure... and one of these plans will be fucked up Current Mood: sore |
| Thursday, April 20th, 2006 |
| 5:56 pm |
god dammit shooter is at damn sundown tonight and i cant go because of fucking work... but have no fear... silent hill with my home boy tomorrow... blue kats later in the evening... have a few drinks and and get drunk... then comin back home and drinking some more... damn life is good... cept for work.... laater ps: the new underoath album is so fuckin amazing and oh yes... im sick to Current Mood:  sickCurrent Music: In Regards To Self by Underoath |
| Monday, April 17th, 2006 |
| 6:52 pm |
im gonna adopt one those foreign kids for a dollar a day... NAH! god im a prick haha Current Mood: tired |
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killxsluts's journal
